Week 4: 29 November 2023
Dear Friends
Thanks for all of the deep and sweet engagement that we shared on Wednesday night. Elden, we missed you, and hope that the notes below support you in finding your way into the material. Monica and I send our love into all of your lives, recognising the unique challenges that each of us inhabits. Lets keep putting the class into the middle of the metta prayer, and holding each other close.
Overview of Session 3:
- We used the metta prayer as a way to include parts of ourselves that may not always get a look in, and then opened the space for the ‘all beings’ part of the metta to enable some open prayer. May your encounter with the metta prayer bring you great nourishment.
- We centred ourselves biographically in the work of all that being in adulthood includes, and with a particular focus on our relationship with relationship. We looked at this in first year too, recognising that all that was imprinted into us in our early years is likely still impacting us, and may well still be forming our beliefs about relationships – all of them – and including our romantic partnerships. We described the work of living in our lives, whilst opening to look at what formed us, as one of the key tasks of adulthood. Tasks sounds less interesting than it really is! Keep on with this healing work – for most of us its an ongoing encounter within ourselves. Its not a one-off thing, and don’t let anyone make you believe its easy or ‘done’. And it is worth it!
- We suggested that you create a Relationship Resume: listing your romantic relationships, and asking yourself the following questions, which you began to discuss in pairs:
How did it begin?
How did it end?
What were the challenges?
What were the learnings?
What is the gift?
- After the break you worked in pairs on an issue that is typical of what a supervision session might inquire into, or indeed a session with a peer. We know that many of you are still learning what supervision is, and what the shape of a counselling/ accompaniment session can include. This is not a recipe but is a guide. You can use it again with you peer if you didn’t work it though on Wednesday – please do!
A supervision experience:
A process to meet our own reactions and drop into inquiry;
in pairs, with open questions:
name a recent time you were angry or activated;
describe it;
have you had this / do you have this response or reaction to anything else in current or past?
What does this remind you of – in your earlier life?
What is the fear or core feeling that the current experience might be triggering about a past experience?
What happened in that -describe it in enough detail to still feel you can hold yourself safely in the present?
What did you need at that time? Can it be given now, in prayer or through some form of inner work?
How does this impact your feeling in the present?
What resources do you bring with you now into the present situation?
Marriage as A Vessel for Transformation, and as A Gift and Service to the World.
In preparing for marriage, Elmer and I (Nicola) were blessed by an extraordinary guide, shaman, teacher, minister Sobonfu Some. Two of the key teachings that we received in the process follow here:
That marriage – or whatever we call any deeply committed partnership – is a vessel for transformation. The existence of a contract; the creation of a ceremony; the sharing of vows/ intentions;, the public knowledge – all of these strengthen the vessel. And the vessel needs to be strong, because the work of two adults seeking to forge a space of sufficient unity is extremely challenging – and extremely rewarding sometimes – and requires deep support from all layers and levels of life. I could say more, as I am sure we all could.
Secondly, that the purpose of marriage is not only for the couple (though of course it includes the couple). At a bigger/ deeper/ vision level, the sacred space of a marriage creates something that serves the world, in ways too many to name here. Essentially what two can do – potentially – is more than one can do – and the combined and committed ‘gift’ that arises from the two brings something new and unique to the world. This does not have to be big or glamorous or publicised -it simply is. And of course we also all know that ‘two’ can bring great distress too, if their partnership is not able to find a supported way to express love into the world.
Again, so much more could be said, and we could all speak about this in droves I am sure, given that we are all embroiled in relationships, of all forms, some of them marriages! For now, let these contemplations ruminate inside and see how they land. What fascinating and provocative material we are in.
Preparing for Session 4 on 29 November
Thank you for your thoughts about when to start Islam. The trend was to stay with the planned dates. This means we have the joy of our guest speaker, Rev Masoumeh Melrose, joining us in our next session, to open the door to the mysteries of Islam. Please watch the interview that I did with Masoumeh a few years ago. It will help you to feel that much more ready for her joining us as our visitor. We are seeking to deepen our capacity to be communicators of Sacred Hospitality, remembering that our class group agreements seek for acceptance rather than agreement.
You can find the interview at the link here: Link: Interview recording
In relation to assignments, please tread lightly with yourselves. For the Buddhism assignment respond from your heart, with what is moving now, knowing that you have the rest of your life to keep learning. That is what your best looks like. And in this way we open to Islam whilst not putting Buddhism aside. It can all live together inside us in our vast hearts. Remember to be experiencing the Metta prayer every day in your practice, and to open to any other of Buddhisms elements that come your way.
Wider Housekeeping Notes
- Thanks for booking your tutorials with Monica…and if you haven’t please do.
- Thanks for updating us about Study Groups. All blessings as this gets going.
- Thanks as above for your thoughts about Islam and when to start.
- Thanks to those who let me know if you want to be part of Angels and Mortals – please update me if you haven’t
- Week 5 of this Gateway, 6 December, is a Self Study week, giving you time to prepare your Wedding Assignment.
- Week 6 of this Gateway, 13 December, is our Weddings Practicum AND is the last session for the calendar year.
- Gateway 3’s first zoom is on 17 January 2024.
- And a question: we welcome the idea of the 5.45 pre-session attunement starting again, perhaps in January 2024. In light of the awareness we all have about the wars that rage, across nations and in families, we wonder (1) if you would take the lead, taking turns, in leading the 10 minutes of silence each week, and (2) if we might frame it as a Peace Attunement: directly to open the doorway into the zoom session that follows, and as a wider keynote of our connection into the global and cosmic atmospheres? We look forward to hearing your thoughts – perhaps on a shared class channel on random or wherever it best sits.
From Monica and me, with our support and love,
Nicola xx